so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
