I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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