he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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