God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
