Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
