I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
