Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
