I've blown a few things in my day
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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