this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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