I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
