Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
