At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
