i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
