I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
