we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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