well you can't waste a boner
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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