this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
