its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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