OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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