That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
