We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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