So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
