How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
