walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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