There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
