my mouth tastes like poor choices
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
