I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
