i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
