I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
