im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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