Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I stole a fireplace last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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