I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
