Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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