I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
