whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
