Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
