I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
