Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
