Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
