Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
