apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
