I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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