I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
