"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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