no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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