I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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