life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
