He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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