I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
