i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
