I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
