I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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