I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
