u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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